I tried to put myself in HP’s shoes this week, and it allowed my imagination to go wild.

 I work for a company worth billions. Highly profitable. A few thousand thousands here or there would probably not make much of a difference.

Hey, I’m the big cheese. I’m President of one of the biggest companies in the world!

Big event planned in San Francisco this weekend  - I bring a date, hire her to greet guests and create rapport with new vendors, clients, salespeople from India – pay her $5000 – ensuring, perhaps, a night out on the town with her that weekend.  Hey, I deserve to have my needs met, and it will make me a more productive and valuable asset to my company, come Monday morning.

Turns out that a number of events are planned over the next six months, and though I can hire professional hand-shakers for $500 a night, I again hire my “greeter” at $5000 a pop to show up, soak in the atmosphere, smile at guests, shake their hands, and spend a night or two with me at the St. Francis, to recuperate from all her hard work.

 To make it look even more legitimate than it already is, I submit a report that simply indicates Public Relations. That’s what she’s doing, and she’s doing a darn good job at it!

In my mind it’s perfectly justified because what’s $5000 in PR for a company I help produce millions of profit every single day?  I deserve it. She deserves it.  And it’s a drop in the bucket compared to the millions we throw away on advertising and marketing.

Besides, when my needs are taken care of? The company prospers.

Getting inside the head of your executives and wondering how they justify outlandish expenditures might be an interesting exercise.  And it’s not just executives that misuse their power and their funds, and misappropriate expenditures.

Employees who are angry will steal (and feel perfectly justified – they deserve this!) And entire teams will take trips to Las Vegas – Branson Missouri! and pay for food and parties, justifying these events as morale boosters. Of course, they submit the expenses as a convention expense (though the only convention in Branson is the Andy Williams Fan Club Get Together on Saturday Night.  I expense that as Networking.)

Tune in this Sunday and explore the imagination of business professionals who scheme and invent and create elaborate ways to justify bowling parties, trips to Bermuda, a new computer for home, a pair of expensive shoes from Nike, a date with Heather.

   What lies do we tell ourselves and why do we do it?   When we hear stories (i.e. the recent Mike Hurd scandal), what price are we willing to pay for our fiscal imaginations?

Tune in this week to Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary’s insultant/consultant show, Sunday August 15, 2010, http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant to learn some surprising insights from two different points of view. Call in and share your opinion. You never know what one of them might say.

You’re standing around the water cooler, and everyone’s talking about the Mel Gibson audiotapes that have been broadcast on TV.

(You don’t watch TV. You didn’t hear any of the tapes. You could care less).

At lunch someone asks, “So what do you think about Snookie on Jersey Shore?”

Who?  

Then, a questionnaire is passed among the staff asking what is dubbed the question of the week:  Who should be the next Judge on American Idol now that Ellen has left?

Ellen?  Ellen who? American Idol?  Never watched it. Why bother me with this trivia?

What are you guys crazy?  Get back to work! Stop wasting my time!

Most offices in businesses across America thrive on cultural gossip. For whatever reason – it relieves tension, it inspires laughter, even brings employees from different departments together for a common interest. Whether it’s a discussion of why a particular football player defected to another team – or should this celebrity dump husband #4 – gossip in the workplace thrives.

How do you feel about that?   Ever feel like a cultural idiot?  When people talk about these TV shows, do you feel included?  Left out? Alienated? Superior? Inferior?

Does it waste our time at work, lowering productivity, or does it build teams and keep the atmosphere light and friendly during these challenging times?

Tune in this week to Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary’s insultant/consultant show, Sunday August 1, 2010, http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant to learn some surprising insights from two different points of view. Call in and share your opinion. You never know what one of them might say.