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Ever surprised by how you are perceived by others at work?

Remember the skills that got you hired? You were told some of the following traits were what the team or company needed:

• Risk taker
• Assertive
• Producer, you get things done
• Direct and to the point in communication
• No B.S., you take no prisoners in pushing a project
• Easy going, you can get along with anybody
• Tact & Finesse in difficult communication issues

Oops!! Then you receive the call to your boss’s office right before probation ends, or your performance review begins, or after a difficult project is completed. The conversation might be something like: “Hmm, the staff thinks you don’t listen to input and are too abrupt. You’re being accused of flirting, being sarcastic, too flexible, not taking charge…”

I know I was stunned the first time it happened to me. Why are some people perceived as great when they are assertive and brusque, and others are perceived as mean or abrasive for the same traits? When did being diplomatic get you hired but in trouble if a project is being done too slowly?

Often times our perception of ourselves is off base the first year on a new job. When you are brought into a team or company where other employees have been there more than a year, being the new kid on the block can be most difficult. Many of us forget that while people may put on a friendly exterior, trust can take up to a year to grow. People are judging us, and watching and testing. Work is political.

Here are some tips to make sure you stay on target:

• Make sure your job description is crystal clear with you and your boss, and the team
• Check in with your peers about how you are perceived after a staff meeting or client call
• Monitor yourself. Be yourself; err on the side of caution when expressing opinions and decisions by using supporting data, not just your opinion.

Tune in Sunday morning when we talk on Blog talk Radio, the Consultant/Insultant at 8:30 AM http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Does the amount of money you are paid buy the right for an employer to ask insulting or intrusive questions?

This week the NFL came into the public eye when the General Manager of the Miami Dolphins asked Dez Bryant, a potential player: “Is your mother a prostitute?”

This is probably not a question one might expect applying for a bank vice president position, but in the NFL, where a player could earn over six figures and be a role model to millions, are such questions kosher?

How did the NFL, current and former players react? Seventy percent of NFL administrators and former players said that when you might be paid THIRTY MILLION dollars, any question is allowed. Thirty percent of former administrators said it was unacceptable, and Mike Ditka, former coach of the Chicago Bears said “I might have hit him if he asked me that question.”

What was the reaction at your workplace?

Does the amount of money you are paid impact how much your privacy can be invaded?

While State and Federal laws impact every non-sports- related business, professional sports teams are not necessarily bound by all the same laws.

The GM ostensibly asked that question to see how the player would react under pressure, but was the question about his mother too personal and demeaning?

Many business owners attempting to hire the right candidate in a flooded job market gather as much information as possible about an employee to protect the company. For example, if you suspected a candidate had a drug problem in the past, or a family member in prison, or a stint in a rehab center, can you bring those issues up? And how do you feel about being asked such intrusive questions?

During this tight economy, many employees may feel they cannot defend themselves from aggressive, intrusive company practices. Are you able to be assertive and say “That is inappropriate? Can you back off or rephrase that?”

Tune in this Sunday for the beginning of a three-week series on what can be said (or not said) at work, in interviews, and even in off-hours , when you might be sipping a beer with the CEO. Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary’s Insultant/Consultant Show always brings you surprising commentary and deliberate controversy. This Sunday at 8:30 AM PST http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Dear Bill,

I talked to cousin Sam yesterday and he said you were supposed to call me re: the funeral.
I was so upset you didn’t call me. I would not have missed it for anything. Next time, call me when someone dies in the family.

Love, Marla
———————————————————————————————————

Dear Marla,

You didn’t go to either of my sons’ weddings last year. Why would you suddenly appear at a funeral? And I didn’t call you because Sam said he’d make those calls himself. You should know me better than that.

Bill
———————————————————————————————————
Dear Bill

I’m sorry. I wasn’t mad at you. That’s just the information I got. You know I was sick last year and couldn’t make either of the weddings. Don’t have such a fit.

Marla
——————————————————————————————————-
Dear Marla,

I’m not having a fit… Next time, pick up the phone and ask me what’s going on rather than accuse me via mail.
Bill

Dear Bill,

What accusations are you talking about?

Marla

And it goes on and on.

The two bicker back and forth, never picking up the phone to discuss the matter, and before you know, the emails are forwarded to family and friends, each one defending their position.

Ever have an email war with your family? Tension builds. Frustrations grow out of control. And whatever you put in your writing, it’s there forever.

A lot of times we forget embarrassing and shameful things that are said out loud. They just disappear out of our memory. But with emails, they live forever.

They could survive an Icelandic volcano, because they are invisible creatures that never die.

Find out how to control them and keep your family safe from troublesome emails. Tune into Dr. Gary and Dr Brian’s Insultant/ Consultant Show this Sunday at 8:30 am and discover some tricks, secrets, and strategies for keeping you and your family out of email hell. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/consultantinsultant

Ever been banned from attending a celebration?

With Sunday’s Oscars looming around the corner, Nicholas Chartier reached out to his fellow academy award members by writing a simple but provocative email, imploring them to vote for his small independent film, The Hurt Locker – and not that big behemoth $500 million dollar blockbuster, Avatar.

His efforts backfired.

Not only did the Academy rebuke Chartier for violating Oscar rules that prohibit mailings promoting a film and disparaging another, but they’ve banned him from the ceremony itself.

So even if The Hurt Locker wins big time, Chartier will not be hopping on stage with his fellow producers to accept the academy award for best picture.

Imagine a chance of a lifetime to be in front of 40 million people, and instead, poor Chartier must stay home with the kids, eating a Hungry Man TV dinner, and watching the ceremony on his ten-year-old Toshiba.

Can one email really end a career?

Certainly, it might be rare to lose one’s job or in this case be banned from a celebration, but it’s not unusual to hear management complain about arrogant, attitude-ridden emails that violate ethical, moral, or professional etiquette.

To be fair, Chartier immediately bounced an email back apologizing. “”My naïveté, ignorance of the rules and plain stupidity as a first-time nominee is not an excuse for this behavior and I strongly regret it,”

But it came too late. Damage was done. The film may not win because of this email. And Chartier will go down in history as the only producer ever banned from the Academy Awards.

So what could Chartier have done differently that would have changed not only his fate, but the success of his film? What can we learn from his mistakes?

Here are three rules to consider before sending the email that could ruin your career:

1. Never put anything in writing that you might regret afterwards. Don’t do it. In fact, don’t even write it on the computer. If you need to express your feelings in writing, use a pen. Write on paper. And then burn it afterwards.

2. Always get feedback before sending an email that might spark controversy. In this case, Chartier should have picked up the phone, called an academy board member, and asked, “How would you feel if I sent an email out asking voters to support my little film?”

Do your research first before writing the email.

3. Never overreach your boundaries via email.

Chartier basically overstepped his bounds. He criticized a competitor and begged voters to support his film.

Be careful of interspersing your hidden values or moral preferences.

The competitor –the director or Avatar— was once married to the director of The Hurt Locker, so embedded in this contest is a whole other level of social/political even sexual intrigue voters may have gleaned from this email.

Why are emails so easily misunderstand?

This misinterpretation – or “reading within the lines” – happens all the time in business.

Recently the President of a large electronic firm innocently moralized to his staff, asking
everyone to join him in a physical fitness program instead of sitting at home watching American Idol.

Big mistake. He not only implied that his staff was fat and lazy, but he insulted his group by
labeling their favorite show, American Idol, as a complete and utter waste of time.

Who are you to judge me – Mr. Play-Golf-At-The-Country-Club-Every-Weekend?

Want to write an awesome email – free of baggage?

Now it could very well be that voters will ignore Chartier’s stupidity and vote for the film they feel deserves “Best Picture.” But we live in an age where we are generously influenced by social media and television commentary. No one lives in a cave anymore, and that is true in business as well. Gossip spreads fast. An innocent but disparaging email could sink your reputation or be grounds for your dismissal.

For information on how to write an awesome email – free of baggage – check out my chapter on Email Road Rage in The Mouth Trap: Strategies Tips and Secrets to Keep Your Foot Out of Your Mouth. You can also receive a copy of that chapter free by simply emailing me a request: gary@theemailwizard.com

And for information on seminars and workshops, visit www.theemailwizard.com or call me directly at 1-866-974-8333.

You’d think he was fightin’ mad.

After only seven months on the job, he and (his entire staff) were fired this week.

He lost what has sometimes been called the best job in the world.

And he’s being replaced by the very person who had the job originally.

But Conan O’Brian spoke of his job loss at NBC with his usual flair and sense of humor.

“Tonight I am allowed to say whatever I want. No, I really am,” he said, prefacing what the audience expected to be an outpour of sarcasm and vitriol. But, no, he diplomatically praised NBC and thanked the company for all that they did for him in the past twenty years.

That, my friends, is how you do it.…with kindness, sincerity, and discretion. If you lose your job or suffer the loss of an important client, even if you feel it’s unfair, unwarranted and plain wrong, it makes sense to filter your words so you say the right thing.

Burning your bridge in 21010 means you’ll have no where to go should opportunities ever come your way.

Here are tips to help you filter what you’re thinking and make smart choices of what to say:

1. Make a list of everything that’s bothering you – what makes you angry, frustrated, and even vindictive.
2. Take full responsibility for each of these. How did I contribute to this problem?
3. What issues are worth sharing with my boss?
4. By sharing this with your boss, will any of this help you keep your job or move you in a direction where you can expect a positive referral?
5. If there is no real rhyme or reason to share (it won’t help your future), say nothing.
6. In that case, thank your power people at work for everything they’ve done. Show appreciation. Keep both feet in the business until the day you leave. And feel proud that if you left your business today, you can depend on your boss for a positive referral.

Conan’s farewell speech came probably after many days of heated negotiation. But we didn’t feel any of that when he spoke the other night because he showed restraint as well as humility.

. Once the anger subsides and logic kicks in, you can make smart decisions that may prove valuable some day. You never know who you may bump into or need as a referral.
The business world is a lot smaller than you think.

Are important ideas being ignored at work?

You come up with a great idea that you feel will enhance the work environment, maybe even save time and money! But the supervisor doesn’t want to hear it.

“We just don’t’ do things that way, Gary.”

“You might want talk to Phil about it. I don’t have time right now.”

Or worse yet – “Whatcha been drinking, kid? A computer you could hold in your hands? That doesn’t make any sense at all.”

So many businesses lose great people because they stymie their creativity and their suggestions by belittling, ignoring, or even punishing the “idea” carriers for thinking outside the box.

Someone once said, “Ignorance is bliss,” but in business, “Ignorance is disaster.” We listen to ideas so we can grow. Otherwise, we invent our own competitors.

My father once told me that when he worked in the upholstery business, he came home frustrated and angry not because people didn’t hear his ideas, but that they simply ignored them.” I saw upholstery as more than just fabric. It was the environment people lived in, and I felt the company should market upholstery like you would a trip to the Bahamas. Now, my boss thought I was too young and too ignorant, and he’d sidestep my suggestions, tell me to just focus on my sales job, and then call me ‘kid.’”

So at 32 years old, my dad walked out but he took his brothers with him, and they started their own upholstery company, which turned into Riviera Convertible Sofas (with franchises all over California). The phrase “Live on the Riviera, Convertible Sofa, That is” more or less capitalized on my dad’s quest to reinvent the furniture business as a lifestyle: Come home and feel like you’re on vacation.

The upholstery company my dad worked for went out of business, and Riviera (still around today) survived as a sofa company for nearly 30 years.

What ideas are you ignoring at work? Who are you cutting off and what does that say to your staff about your tolerance for creativity and input?

The greatest way, I think, to increase your competition, is to devalue and de-validate your employees, forcing them to express themselves in other ways. They’ll seek revenge by stealing from you or starting their own business, neither is a good alternative to good, plain open conversation where employees feel heard, understood, and at the very least, appreciated.
Tune into some horror stories of people who have been ignored at work and what businesses they started on their own. It’s our pre-Halloween special on blogtalkradio.com The Consultant/Insultant Show with Dr. Brian and Dr. Gary. Wednesday October 21 at 7 a.m.

What’s the #1 story in the news today?

“Yes, I did have relations with several women who worked on my staff,” said David Letterman on live television last Thursday, explaining that he divulged this information to jump the gun on a blackmail attempt made (allegedly) by one of NBC’s producers.

Today it was the hot topic of discussion everywhere….in board rooms, at mommy and me classes, and on news stations everywhere including ABC’s chat fest, The View.

Barbara Walters, one of the hosts of The View, remained very defensive of Letterman. She reminded the audience he did this before he was married. He was single. He was shy. “Where else are you supposed to meet people – except in the workplace?”

On the other hand, Lisa Ling, a guest panelist, scoffed at any defense of Letterman’s ‘reckless behavior.’ “When you’re the boss,” she said, “keep your friend in your pants.”

And though ABC admitted to having no formal dating policy, the network does enforce a very stringent sexual harassment policy, and this scandal has – at least so far- not entered into that territory.
. . . .

My immediate impression is that reckless sexual behavior always creates havoc in the workplace.

Though Letterman may survive this, who knows where this case may go? A former intern of the show may now claim she was overlooked and disregarded because she didn’t have sex with him. And viewers may form an unfavorable impression on Letterman that may lead to cancellation of advertisers, lower viewership, and even (God forbid) the end of The Letterman Show.

Sex in 2009 Corporate America may have changed slightly over the past twenty years: We’re now not only scared of herpes, AIDS and other diseases, but sexual harassment law suits are prevalent and expensive, decimating profits and ruining careers.

But besides that – the issues are always the same. If you have sex with someone at work, who is married – what are you thinking? Inevitably, it breaks up marriages. If the relationship is between the boss and the secretary or workers from different hierarchies and departments – it affects hiring practices. Will one give the other a break? Will there be repercussions when the relationship dissolves? Can I depend on a letter of recommendation if I no longer have sex with you?

“It’s a real mess,” declares one therapist I spoke to. “More times it’s simply libido gone wild. Most times it involves a man who simply doesn’t have the ability to control his private parts. And when it’s the reverse— the woman going after the man – even in 2009–such goings on create tension, initiate gossip, stall productivity, and engender a variety of small talk and games that can destroy jobs. It’s simply not worth it.”

So how does one deal with unwanted advances? If you notice people at work forming a relationship, what do you do? What if it affects your workload? Your morale? Your productivity? Your future?

Tune into blog talk radio as Dr. Gary and Dr. Brian address your concerns, questions, and issues regarding the big elephant in the workplace: SEX!

An email is a lot like a conversation: Make it quick, easy to follow, and compelling. Ever talk with someone who goes on and on and on? Your mind wanders. You start constructing a grocery list instead of focusing on what that person is saying to you. So here are some tips for starting short, concise emails:

1. Who’s your reader? Business writing is all about the reader, not about the writer. Is this person a decision maker? implementer?
Will the reader be indifferent? interested? Decide that first and
mostly likely use that peson’s first name in addressing the email. You can precede the name with “hi” or leave it out.

2. What’s your point? What’s in it for the reader? A core message basically gets to the bottom line. Which one’s better?

“We’re scheduling a meeting for Tuesday May 19 at 9 a.m. to discuss the new benefit pension plan. Please attend.”

or

“Please attend the meeting on Tuesday May 19 at 9-9:41 a.m. In the 41 minutes you’ll learn all the new tips and regulations — get our questions answered as well –so that you won’t have to study the forms for hours at home.”

Why did I write it this way? Readers tire of ambiguous agendas. Use very specific time frames, and clear agenda items. Point out what’s in it for the attendee. In this day and age, who has time for meetings? Inspire the reader to attend that meeting by giving that person a clearly defined purpose.

Make sure your email includes bullet pointed details if necessary and the attachment, if there is one.

3. End it by saying one of the following: “Best regards,” “Regards,”
“Thank you,” “Sincerely,” or just sign your name with a signature block.

(This text is just a placeholder)

It’s no mystery that Batman will be the biggest blockbuster of 2008

Batman, Tropic Thunder, Mama Mia, Sex and the City, even a badly reviewed comedy like Alvin and the Chipmunks —- all were predicted to do blockbuster business.

Meet Dave starring Eddy Murphy? Studio heads knew it was stinker and dumped it during dog days of summer.

Some movie insiders can actually tell you almost to the dollar how much money a movie will make its first opening weekend. Yet, there are exceptions. Over the past decades, studios were almost bankrupted by a few bad surprises. Remember Heaven’s Gate? Alexander? The Adventures of Pluto Nash? Town and Country? Stealth?

But, summer 2007 and 2008 earned the industry billions of dollars, more than ever in the history of film, and I am amazed at how well studio heads and insiders can design a movie, deliver it in previews, read the responses, re-edit the film, and then release it, knowing with fair accuracy the exact amount of money it will make opening weekend.

What do these movie insiders do that we don’t do with our own creative marketing and promotion that could help us get even a fraction of their success?

What can the movie industry teach us about promoting our business?

1. “You never send a marketing promotion out without getting feedback from either a focus group or a group of experts.”— says Richard Stevens, a c0-director of marketing and publicity here at Fly High Productions. A former publicist himself, Stevens believes “Projects that bankrupt companies or merely waste money are usually those that are done haphazardly without feedback - without the proper marketing research. A genius idea means nothing if no one wants to gravitate to it. Yes, all that costs money, and it’s worth every penny.”

If movies can create “preview” audiences — why can’t businesses do the same?

2. Create focus groups by asking key people at different companies to be on your “mastermind” list. Ask them periodically to give you feedback on your ads, promotions, email campaigns, etc. Gary Zukov, author of the Chicken Soup of the Soul Series, enlists ten readers to view drafts of his books before they come out. That way he knows what works, what doesn’t, and what has to change in order to make the book meaningful and commercially successful.

3. Avoid unwanted appearances on the Tonight Show! Years ago, the company I worked for designed an expensive ad campaign — a beautiful postcard — that ended up on Jay Leno’s Tonight Show during his “worst postcards of the week” skit. The card showed a beautiful blonde in her closet, holding a glass of champagne. Her Labrador retriever sat next to her. The headline for this custom closet ad read, “Simply Romantic,” and Leno put together the equation — the dog — the blonde — the champagne—the closet —and changed the phone number on the ad to read 1-800-BEASTIALITY.The audience went crazy. Our phones rang off the hook the next day, but it wasn’t (obviously!) the kind of publicity we wanted for a high end, custom closet company. Why did we not see what Leno saw — BEFORE we mailed out that postcard?

Lesson learned? You’re too close to your material. Get some distance. Show it to others. Put it aside. Get experts on your marketing team to offer advice.It is not unusual for a movie studio to shelve a film that gets bad previews BEFORE spending hefty sums on marketing and promotion. Reaching out for feedback first – before massive promotion — is just smart business.

4. Target audiences are the key these days. Movie industry is very savy to this, opening artsy films in a few key cities, heavily advertising “youth” movies on the Internet, and promoting women’s films to women. Target your audience very carefully so that you’re not wasting money — sending, for example, slick expensive magazine-size brochures to people who wouldn’t buy from you in the past obviously wastes your budget. Sending it to strangers on a list you bought of people who specifically buy from your competition —that may be more viable. Think it out and show it to others first so that you avoid making costly, embarrassing, and humiliating mistakes

What’s the key?

The key — I think— to Hollywood’s success is partly their ability to sense what .Americans view as entertainment. Whether you’re selling insurance or sandwiches, what do your customers want? That’s a question Hollywood knows the answer to quite well.